


this tangled light

by ofserien



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Ghost Ben Solo, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Rey Needs A Hug, Sad Rey (Star Wars), george lucas held me at gun point while writing this, no tears left to cry after tros, pain train is entering the station, so there i fixed it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22609270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofserien/pseuds/ofserien
Summary: The war is over, but at what cost?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 14
Collections: For one is both and both are one in love: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	this tangled light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TolkienGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TolkienGirl/gifts).



> This is a gift for TolkienGirl for the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology’s Valentine’s Day Exchange! :)

At first, Rey is certain that she’s dreaming. But the rotten smell of evil quenched the air, and body ached from exertion, and head pounded from exhaustion. Her eyes were unfocused and her hands were reaching out clenching a disappearing energy, only grasping the black cotton left behind. There was a shock on her face, an ironic disbelief painting her expression as she stared blankly at whatever had been there moments ago. 

She shook for a few minutes, and it appeared as if she were about to cry before her face suddenly became stony, and stood with a bundle of clothes in her hands. She hurried out in a fever dream, crossing the dark passages and the stone walls that surrounded her. Once she’d made it outside, she launched herself into the millennium falcon and threw the pile of clothes on the cot in the back. She was in the pilot seat in the next second, and her hands shook before finding the wheel. There were harsh breaths from her, and once again that stony expression, and then she was off. 

‧⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧

“Rey!” 

“She’s back!”

“She’s saved everyone!”

It all blended together as she stepped out of the Millenium Falcon and into the brilliant sunshine overlooking the remaining Resistance members. And among them: her friends. 

Tears filled her eyes and a smile peeled across her mouth as she ran towards them, her eyes extended until she collided with them, and she felt so full of affection that she was sure she could burst. Rose held her tightest of all, and when they all stepped back, Rey could have choked with emotion at the look of pride they gave her. 

“You’ve done it again, Rey,” Poe says, grinning ear to ear. “You’ve saved the galaxy, again.”

Except she hadn’t, she knew, or at least alone. And she didn’t know how to explain any of it to anyone, and especially with Leia gone . . . 

And then Rey was gasping again because she had somehow forgotten about Leia, and all of the grief was rushing back to her now. 

In the next second, Finn has his arms tight around her, and then more and more arms again, but Rey forced everything down (she wasn’t even sure how, but she did know she wasn’t quite ready to feel all of that yet) and stepped back from Finn. 

“Can we celebrate later? I’m exhausted . . . sorry guys.”

“Even if you sleep for the next three days, we won’t feel bad,” Rose reassured her, and Rey nodded, clear thanks in her eyes. “You can sleep with me until we find your housing again -”

“That’s alright,” Rey cuts in, something secret and shiny in her eyes. “I might just sleep on the Falcon tonight; all of my stuff is on there anyway.”

A sad look overcame Rose’s expression before Finn caught her gaze, and she grinned. “Sounds good. You’ll let us know if you need anything, right?” 

Rey shakes her in agreement, and studies the gaze between Rose and Finn. She wasn’t all that shocked, but she’d honestly thought Finn was head over heels for Poe — she stood corrected. 

“I’ll see you guys later, then,” Rey gives them a small grin before they hug one last time, and Rey makes her way through the adoring crowd, unaware of the confused and worried stares of her three friends left behind. They all share a glance before making there way in the opposite direction as Rey ascends the stairs to the pit. 

Once the door hissed closed behind her, she sighed in relief. The silence was what she most wanted - and she knew when the emptiness in the Force hit her, she wasn’t sure if she was going to be okay. 

It wasn’t even near the night, but Rey scrambled into the fresher, forgetting to enjoy the warm water before sliding into Ben’s trousers and sweater, careful to avoid tearing the hole wider. She slid under the weighted sheets, facing away from the wall. 

She didn’t close her eyes, but as she fell more deep into thought, her fingers lifted up and pressed against her lips, as if mimicking the pressure of a kiss. And at last, her face crumpled, and tears slid down her cheeks as she trembled, wrapping her arms about herself and imagining they were someone else’s strong arms that had only held her twice before. 

She could have gone for them around her tonight. And maybe for the rest of her life, too. 

‧⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧

Rise, Skywalker. 

It was dark and musty and cold, and Ben decided that he was quite content not. Everything hurt and, he decided, that he would much rather die here, knowing that Rey was okay, that his mother was at peace, and everything became so very numb . . . 

And then a hard jolt to his side, and he jerked awake, choking at blood filled his throat. With great effort, he rolled onto his side, his hand clutching his chest and eyes wide with fear - 

He couldn’t feel Rey. 

In fact, he couldn’t even feel the dark side of the force. 

And suddenly all thoughts of sleep and death were put to rest as he grunted, pulling himself up against the rocks and propelling himself upwards, because Rey . . . Rey had to be okay . . . 

Rise, Skywalker. 

That voice whispered in his head again, but was so different then when Palpatine raged in his. This was something different - something powerful. Something with strong hands that lifted him up the chasm wall. 

But just as quickly as that strength had found him, it left him and now something menacing and lurking returned, loosening his fingers and he was crashing down, hitting the rough floor below. He groaned and nearly wished for death if not for the dying girl above. 

Young Solo. 

If he would have had the strength, he would have trembled, as he had all those years ago when he stood before the menacing Snoke. 

There was a grip on his hair, fingers curling around the raven locks before yanking him upwards with a god-like strength as he found himself staring into the eyes of the long-dead Snoke. Ben wondered if he was a force ghost before he was thrown against the chasm wall, black flooding his vision as the back of his head smacked the hard, rigid rock.  
“You’ve failed,” Snoke snarled, a freakishly long and bony finger pointed his way. “You were destined for greatness, but you failed. And all for some silly girl - perhaps we should have chosen her instead.” 

Ben was silent, as he generally was when Snoke punished him. He was frightened, and he hated himself for that, but more frightened of the prodding needles that lapped against the shore of his thoughts. The former Supreme Leader’s hands were now drawn in front of him, as is preparing for a blow to the face, and was curled around himself. 

A low chuckle, and a raping grin. “The mighty Kylo Ren, once the most powerful being in the universe, now sniveling and scared. You were never a fine match for my apprentice. Emperor Palpatine was wrong when he chose you. You are nothing more than a silly boy who thought he was worth something, You are nothing. And you will always be nothing.” 

Ben was angry, he was shaking with anger, but something was crushed in him. He knew Snoke was manipulative and powerful and cruel, but some dark of Ben always wanted to make him proud, to make him want Ben as he had never been wanted before. To be appreciated and feared. And something crashed in his heart, but still he could say nothing. Perhaps Snoke was right - he was nothing more than a wounded dog. 

“I knew of her lineage before anyone had sensed it, young Solo,” said Snoke, now sounding closer and darkly resonant. “And I knew you would fall for her. And let me tell you a secret - she loves you back.” 

At this, the crumpled man looks up, something akin to hope burning in his eyes, and his hands fall to his sides. 

Rise, Skywalker. 

“She doesn’t have to define you, Ben Solo,” Snoke says, now stepping toward him with grace and kindness. “We can rule again - don’t fall to the temptation of the light. Remain strong in the dark, as all things should be. Together, we can rebuild this Empire. The girl will never turn, but you have a chance to. Join the dark again, Ben. You have more strength than you know.”

“What do you know of strength?” Ben growls, using the wall behind him to push him onto his feet. “I killed you in a moment of arrogance - don’t speak of things you don’t understand.”

“Such defiance,” Snoke smirked, rounding onto Ben now, closer still. “You could shake the stars, Ben Solo.”  
“Yes, I can,” and he plunges into Snoke’s mind, but is thrown back out. 

Or, at least, he thinks so, but he’s back at his uncle’s stupid Jedi summer camp, and staring at himself in the back of the class. People whispered about him, but he was too still, too caught up in his thoughts to pay attention to the others. 

I was in your head, said Snoke, an unpleasant tickling sensation firing along Ben’s outer ear. I gave you the belonging you seeked. 

And then he was with his younger self and Luke, a hologram of Leia projected before them. There was a sob from the younger Ben and then, “How could you not tell me? Everyone knew but me! How could you, mom?” 

Tears streaked Leia’s face, and she reached out desperately to Ben. “We didn’t want to upset you, Ben. We know how much you’re struggling and didn’t want to tell you until you were ready.” 

“Well before I came would have been a good time!” Ben shouts, ducking out from his Uncle’s waiting arms and dashing out of the tent. 

“How did he find out?” Mumbled Leia, after a pregnant pause between the siblings. “How could he have known that Anakin was his grandfather? That Darth Vader was his grandfather?” 

“Children are not kind to each other, Leia. And they are certainly not kind to Ben.” 

Leia cried as Luke consoled her verbally, and Ben remembered the rest of that day, how he stood at the edge of the ocean, and wondered if he were more significant than any of those crashing waves. 

They hated you, whispers Snoke. They hated you, Ben. You were right to leave them and follow me. 

GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Ben screamed back, trying to force Snoke out, but he remained strongly rooted in Ben’s thoughts. 

Perhaps you need another reminder. 

And then it was a few days later, after day of awful abuse from the other Jedi-in-training, and Ben lay in bed, nearly asleep, but something troubling the back of his consciousness. 

Monster. 

“I’m not . . . “ said the young Ben, curling into his blankets and dreaming of an island, somewhere far away where on one knew who he was and he could be alone. 

I think you know what happens next. 

And when Luke snuck into his tent and lit the lightsaber, the older Ben dashed forward and grabbed the saber next to the bed, and blocked his Uncle’s strike. The younger version stared in horror, betrayal and utter hurt smearing his expression, and Ben was angry again. 

He betrayed you. He deserved to die. 

“He did,” said Ben. “But so did I. And you are more to blame than he is.” 

Stupid boy. Have you no wisdom? 

And then they were back in the chasm, surrounded by other ghosts, and Ben choked as they rounded him. 

“I have no son,” says Leia in disgust, spitting on him. “You were never my son.” 

“Mom,” says Ben, heartbroken, before rounding on Snoke. “This is a lie. This isn’t real.”

“Are you sure of that?” He questions. “Isn’t this the truth you have always known?”

“I should have killed you that night,” Luke growls, his fists clenching and he shoves Ben to the side. “You’re a monster.”

That word again. Monster. 

“This is a lie,” Ben whispers, crouching on the ground before Snoke, shaking. “This is all a lie.”

“I can save you, Ben Solo, but you must surrender your life to me.”

The voices were getting louder. Curses and thrown insults and he suddenly couldn’t tell the difference between the truth and the lies, all of it blending together. He cried as he held his head, and then a gentle hand lifted his chin. 

“My grandson,” said Anakin, and hope returned to Ben’s gaze as he nearly stood, but was pushed back down. “No. I am mistaken. You are not my grandson.”

“Grandfather,” cries Ben, reaching for him, but his hand is batted away, and he feels like such a child and he hates himself. His fingers tangle into his hair and voices fill his head again, calling him a monster and reminding him of his sins. All this, before a hand gently touches his forehead and everything is quiet again. 

“Ben,” whispers Snoke, kindness lacing his tone. “Let me save you. I can bring you greatness - just let me. Just surrender to me. It’s so easy . . . just say yes.” 

And Ben wanted to. He knew the true self of Snoke was not this, he knew that he was being manipulated, but he prayed that it wasn’t. That this was all a grand illusion and that Snoke really did want him, really was proud of him, like a parent. 

Fingers gently brushed through his curls as he stared at his open palms, tears streaking his cheeks as he leans into his former master’s comfort. “Come with me, Ben Solo, and I will give you strength. Just give it all to me.” 

“I’ve already given you everything,” he whispers. “Everything. What more is there left?” 

“I want your very soul, Ben Solo. I want her.” 

And Ben’s hand snapped up, latching onto Snoke’s wrist in a death grip. “It’s never been about me. It’s always been about her. You sensed the unbalance of the force and the surge in my powers when she was born. I’ve given you everything, but it was never enough. It will never be enough. I will never be enough for you.” 

Rise, Skywalker. 

And then he did. 

He turned around, sharp nails scratching at his sides, his arms, his back, but it didn’t matter. He latched himself onto the chasm wall, and climbed. Horrible things were whispered in his ears, hands pulled him down and wrapped around his ankles, his legs, but he fought. And once his hand reached the top, everything melted away, and there was just Rey. 

The Jedi hadn’t been with him, he soon realized; they had been with her. A bad taste filled his mouth as he saw her limp across from him, and his heart beat frantically as he crawled to her. She was in his arms the next moment, and he looked around for the Jedi that had helped her defeat Palpatine. 

“Help me!” He yells, but no one answers him, and all the warmth that they force had offered was gone from the room in an instant. They’d used her as their weapon, and then left her to die. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, pulling her against his chest, tears filling his eyes once more. “Hold on, Rey.”

Everything was quiet, and he was at peace until the very end. 

‧⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧

Wherever he was, it was dark and calm and quiet. His eyes were closed, and felt no need to open them. There was a lulling him in his mind, as if very gentle fingers were prodding an instrument, and only the softest sounds could be emitted from it. 

“Ben Solo,” was the next thing the gentle rhythm hummed, and his eyes came open this time, and he stared into the blanket of stars that was draped above him. The clear terrestrial plane that was laid out before him was suddenly cut off with a face looming in front of his, and Ben snapped upwards, a spike of anxiety shooting down his spine. 

The face smiled, and Ben was struck by how closely it resembled his mother’s. Whoever this woman was was magnificent and colorful, yet her eyes were wan and wintery, and the man was intrigued. The velvety sky melted behind him as he gazed up at her, and she sat in front of him. 

“My grandson,” she smiles, her eyes now watery as she leans forward and clasps his hand, and Ben nearly gasps at the look of complete adoration and the rush to touch him. 

“I-” he begins before she lunges at him, arms coming about him, and Ben stares down at the small woman who so lovingly touches him, and finds he barely even knows how to hug her back. 

“I’m so proud of you,” she says, and now Ben’s arms come around her, and he wishes that she would have been alive while he was growing up. “Your grandfather is so excited to meet you,” and he perks up, pulling away to look into her eyes. 

“My . . . grandfather?” Ben questions. Darth Vader, his thoughts supply, at the same as Anakin Skywalker is murmured in his ear. 

“The very same,” she grins, and they both stand and she takes his hand, and they walk forward until they become the stars he so wished to walk among. He felt such longing, but could hardly remember for what. Something within him felt missing, as if there was half of some illusory thing empty inside of him. 

“Ben,” says a tenor in front of Ben, and he looks up to see a luminous blue ghost, the outline smoky but dark. He stalks up to him, and his hands come to fist at his shoulders. “You broke my heart,” he begins. “It made me regret everything more harshly than I already did, watching you idolize my mistakes. But you did the right thing, in the end.” And Ben is once again pulled into a long awaited hug, and this time, he responds quickly. Warmth floods him, and then he’s gone. 

‧⁺˚*･༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺‧

Rey awoke with a start, sweat beading on her forehead and her pillow on the floor. She groans, throwing an arm over the side of the bed and wrenching her pillow back under her head. She curls into the sweater and slams her eyes shut, breathing deeply but still being unable to fall asleep. She sighs and rolls over, but what she sees is what makes her jump out of bed as if she had been possessed. 

Ben sat across the room, asleep, but solid and clear. She thought he was a force ghost, but when she loomed closer and poked his shoulder, he was hard and warm. 

“Ben,” she sobs, and his eyes flicker open and are foggy for a few moments as she falls to her knees, and he follows her, and then they’re in each other’s arms and crying. 

“Rey,” he murmurs, and she cries harder, burying her face into his neck. He smelled of mint and soap, and something distinctly masculine, and then held him tighter. 

“How are you here?” She cries, pulling away to cup her palms against his cheeks. “You’re dead, I saw you. And I can touch you.” 

“I was somewhere in the stars . . . somewhere with my grandparents. And then I was here,” he says, and pulls her back to him, breathing in the scent of her hair. A deep inhale, and then, “I don’t think I’m really here, Rey.”

She shakes her head against him. “There’s no way you can be.”


End file.
